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3 steps to set healthy boundaries + tips how to make the process easier



While Instagram is crashing, again and again, I can finally focus on writing here :)
I always have been a YES person. Whoever asks me for whatever I am total Yes, of course. And I love my family and friends from the bottom of my heart but sometimes they are taking advantage of that. I am always here for them, always ready to help and to do a favor. But this is draining me and is sucking the life out of me. It takes me days in bed to recover and gain back my energy.
So one of the decisions I took recently is to learn how to set healthy boundaries. And that is not an easy task. I don't know how to say a straight No. I am afraid that I am going to offend someone or even lose them because of it. I know that these are not rational thoughts but I can't help it. So I decided to face my fear with my shoulders straight.
These are the steps I took to build better boundaries and maintain them:

Step 1: Define your limits - The first thing I did was to put in words what I feel. Trying to put a name on my limits helped me to actually figure them out. I finally admitted to myself what I can tolerate and what is beyond my inner comfort. For example with my friends, I decided that it's not always ok for me to go out and meet them. I love them but sometimes I want to focus on myself and spend quality time with ME. For my sister, I decided that  I can't be there for her every time she needs me. Sometimes she has to deal with the shit on her own.
Now I know my limits and I can find a healthy way to set them.

Step 2: Get rid of the guilt. If you are like me you probably feel guilty every time you have to say No. Therefore, you avoid saying it because it is easier to just say Yes than to feel guilty after.  But you have to remember that there is absolutely no reason at all for you to feel that. It took me so much time to realize that I have my needs and it's not physically possible for me to be there for everyone. And there is nothing wrong with that. Life it's just what it is. We all have a personal space which should be respected.

Step 3: Be direct. That was the hardest part for me. I had to tell to people I love, that I can't be always there for them. And I had to do it with a normal tone. Because, you know, when you are so fed up with everything the emotions are coming out first. And conversations like that shouldn't be done emotionally. So I used all my strength to stay calm and say what I feel and think without bursting into tears. I put my stone-cold, Victoria Beckham face and did it like a robot. I can't say it went super well but at least is progress.

There are a few additional tips to ease the process a bit:


  • Start small - Don't go directly on the big game. Start with an insignificant small thing like ''I don't want onion on my pizza.'' or ''Let's go in another bar, I don't like this one.''.
  • Allow yourself to feel - Any way you are going to have all kind of emotions. Don't suppress them, just go with it. 
  • Make self-care a priority! - No explanation needed here! 
  •  Seek support.
  • Take a break from toxic relationships.











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