The first time I attended psychotherapy I was a complete train rack. It took all my strength to finally admit to myself that I can't do it on my own. Yes, I am strong and yes, I never give up, but this is so much over me and I simply need help. At this point, I had five of six panic attacks per day and a full weekend is kind of blurry in my mind. All I remember is a black hall and endless pain. There were days when I begged my boyfriend not to go to work so he can stay with me because I was afraid to stay alone at home. Even now, after going to psychotherapy for some time I can't fully understand what triggers it so I can't even prepare myself for the next time.
And, you know, for me the most horrible thing is not the attack itself. For me, the most excruciating is the moment before it strikes, the moment of absolute silence. It is like a slow-motion movie where I can see myself from a distance, I realize that I am pail and there is fear in my eyes. I can feel my pulse everywhere in my body and that drives me insane. From that moment I can't go back, I can't be me anymore. I am just a hostage of my own personal prison.
The fight-or-flight response is a psychological reaction that occurs when your brain decides that it is in danger. It is triggered by the release of hormones that prepare your body to either stay and deal with the threat or run away in safety. This is happening in the few seconds before I have a panic attack, and funny enough, my body always chose to run away to the closest hospital.
I can't even begin to describe you the ultimate fear that goes even through my bones. I experienced loses in my life and I have been in a terrifying situation, but never ever felt so threatened. My brain tells me that my life is in absolute danger.
In the result of all that my heartbeat accelerates, I start to sweat, my legs and arms tremble and my eye twitches. I feel hot and cold waves coming and going and I can't breathe anymore. I feel like I am having a heart attack or worse - I will go mad.
Positive feedback loop
Most of my panic attacks (but not all of them) come as a result of my hypochondria. I am a nurse and in my daily life, I have to deal with all kind of sicknesses. I have seen more than enough for a lifetime. At some point every small physical feeling in my body made me think that I have a horrible disease. My therapist explained to me that my brain creates some kind of positive feedback loop which in my case is a negative experience. The feedback loops are very interesting, it can be found everywhere in nature and the human body, they even use it in marketing. It is basically when the product of a reaction leads to an increase in that reaction. The biggest example is the human kind - as better, we feel on earth as much more we reproduce. You can even notice it with facebook - if you like a page the algorithm suggest more pages like this one and the more you click, the more suggestions are coming.
In the context of anxiety, feedback loops can lead to a panic attack. In my case, when I experience a bad physical sensation my brain focuses on it and the more it focuses the more that sensation is increasing. It is like a dead loop. But like everything in nature, in this case, balanced is required. You cant fil a box with candies for infinity, at some point they are going to fall out. This is where the panic attack comes and brakes the feedback loop. In some way, I can say that this is even a healthy reaction.
Now, since I know the mechanism of that reaction I am not that afraid anymore and I am feeling much better and stronger. I will continue attending my psychotherapy and I will continue working how to deal with my shit. Hope my experience can be useful to at least one person and if that is the case, that means I am doing well on Earth.
Sending you positive vibes!
I can't even begin to describe you the ultimate fear that goes even through my bones. I experienced loses in my life and I have been in a terrifying situation, but never ever felt so threatened. My brain tells me that my life is in absolute danger.
In the result of all that my heartbeat accelerates, I start to sweat, my legs and arms tremble and my eye twitches. I feel hot and cold waves coming and going and I can't breathe anymore. I feel like I am having a heart attack or worse - I will go mad.
Positive feedback loop
Most of my panic attacks (but not all of them) come as a result of my hypochondria. I am a nurse and in my daily life, I have to deal with all kind of sicknesses. I have seen more than enough for a lifetime. At some point every small physical feeling in my body made me think that I have a horrible disease. My therapist explained to me that my brain creates some kind of positive feedback loop which in my case is a negative experience. The feedback loops are very interesting, it can be found everywhere in nature and the human body, they even use it in marketing. It is basically when the product of a reaction leads to an increase in that reaction. The biggest example is the human kind - as better, we feel on earth as much more we reproduce. You can even notice it with facebook - if you like a page the algorithm suggest more pages like this one and the more you click, the more suggestions are coming.
In the context of anxiety, feedback loops can lead to a panic attack. In my case, when I experience a bad physical sensation my brain focuses on it and the more it focuses the more that sensation is increasing. It is like a dead loop. But like everything in nature, in this case, balanced is required. You cant fil a box with candies for infinity, at some point they are going to fall out. This is where the panic attack comes and brakes the feedback loop. In some way, I can say that this is even a healthy reaction.
Now, since I know the mechanism of that reaction I am not that afraid anymore and I am feeling much better and stronger. I will continue attending my psychotherapy and I will continue working how to deal with my shit. Hope my experience can be useful to at least one person and if that is the case, that means I am doing well on Earth.
Sending you positive vibes!
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